How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just google imaged poop.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
