you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i jhust puked up my retainher.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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