Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
