I'm so fucking centered right now
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
