Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
