i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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