I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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