How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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