you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
