Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
