How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
