it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
