Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
