What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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