Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
