I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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