Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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