I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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