period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
