I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
