No awkward lesbian experiences without me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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