Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
