between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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