so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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