Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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