I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
