If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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