hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
