My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
