You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
