I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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