Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
