reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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