This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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