At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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