I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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