u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
