: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can I color on your dick again?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
