Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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