I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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