This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
