apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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