My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He did a backflip because drugs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
