how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the condom got lost in my hair
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
