Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
