I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
