Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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