ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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