I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you would pick up someone in the library
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
