You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
