According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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