I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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