wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
