My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
